How do you see sexy things

Shit, guess what i saw, and it wasn't trees.

Need a break from the election.......

I guess someone thought to put a new prospective on
the fighting liberals.
I got all of them, but the 3rd from the right?
Would of been cute to see the big M in the dance

The Birds and the Bees

A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.'I don't want to know,' the child said, bursting into tears. 'Promise me you won't tell me.'Confused, the father asked what was wrong.The boy sobbed, 'When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech.At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech.When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for.'

Stop all those irritating calls ..... easy and practical

1. After the telemarketer finishes speaking, ask him/her to marry you.2. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment, and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back.3. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.4. Tell them it is breakfast/lunch/dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.5. Tell them that all business goes through your agent, and hand the phone to your five year old child.6. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up...louder...louder...louder!7. Tell them to speak very slowly because you want to write every word down.8. If they start out with, "How are you today?", say "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems............"9. Cry out in surprise, "Hey buddy, is that you? I've been hoping you'd call! How is the family?" When they insist they are not your buddy, tell them to stop joking.10. Tell the A1 call center guy to call on your office number. - and give him the A2 call center number.

Pay to Play

A picture is worth a thoudsnd words.
Gov. Eliot Spitzer and wife

I would say the pay was not worth the play. IMO his ego matched that of a god but found out how mortal he was.....His wife is and kids will suffer the most, and he will continue to polish his ego.

Eliot Spitzer can go to the streets now, and my best wishes are for Silda and her kids.
Spitizer i have no forgiveness for you in doing what you did to you wife and daughters....

Five Signs That Tell Your Relationship is Over

How do you know when your relationship is over? Can you tell the signs of a bad relationships?

You have tried, cried, begged, and went to therapy as a couple, but still nothing changed. You get irritated easily just by the sight of the person. You secret wished that your other half disappeared somewhere. Sinful thoughts, yes, but when you are miserable, your mind can sum up many furtive ideas.

Here are five signs that your relationship is over.

1. You just can't stand the sight of him/her

   The sound of his car pulling up on the driveway makes your heart drop. You feel heavy in your thought, and you secretly hope that he/she doesn't open the door and comes in.

2. Abusive in all forms

   When you are told to “be happy where your husband/wife is happy”, then it is abused, or “this is my house, you don't bring in the money”. That is a form of mental and emotional abuses.

3. Disrespectful and Distrust

   If you look at the person with disgust, and it is just irritating you when he/she talks. You hear the provoking tone of questions such as “are you sure about that?” or “is that so?” These are doubts, and a sign of distrust.

4. No willingness to work on the big issues

   You just cannot see the future with your partner in any circumstances. You and your partner seem reluctant to work on the big issues. You can't find a middle ground. You can't find any compromises on either part.

5. You can't recall any good memories

   You can't remember any good times, or good things about your partner. Resentments had build up over the years that your mind is flooded with bad memories. You repeat the same bad cycles when you are around each other. You realize that you are not the best person you want to be.

This is five best possible signs that tell the relationship is over. No matter how much you try or willing to go on, you will find yourself exhausted and depressed. Then one day, the moment comes, when nothing else mater, and you will just throw in the towel. You will dare the world to stop you. You care for no one's advice or opinion.

My moment came when I found myself at the bottom of the well, but that still didn't stop me. I have no job, I have no savings, I have three kids, and I have no home. Fear was no longer a factor. I was ready to shake off the dust that covered my life. I needed to shed my skin to be reborn again. Now, when someone asks “how do you know when”, I give my five reasons above and said: “you just know!”

Questions never answered?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder...... Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum." Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?

They're both dogs! If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on……. Yes, it caught me too!Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

If at first you don't fail.........................

These are dreams i have

And I wank up thinking of sex ????

Universal truths: You will agree

Universal truths

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the
first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood
specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

My IM