Pen, Bits & Photos.................by FG-Viva

Medical Warning

2008-12-20T11:44:00.001-05:00

Riddle

2008-11-03T08:04:00.000-05:00

Riddle for the Day

Hillary, Biden and Obama were on a donkey, at the edge of a cliff.
The donkey got spooked and jumped off the cliff.
Who was saved?

AMERICA

OooooSarah

2008-10-23T19:51:00.000-04:00

Drill Here NOW...............

2008-05-30T11:16:00.000-04:00



Please sign this petition

A Rare Old Photo Of Barack And Hillary

2008-05-29T11:00:00.000-04:00

What can i say........this is just for fun

Its happened to all of us, but this i s funny, and funnier

2008-05-28T11:17:00.000-04:00

No nee to say more

A Woman.............

2008-05-27T07:55:00.004-04:00

Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. ~Author Unknown

A Mother's Day Smile

2008-05-08T13:52:00.003-04:00

My Mom passed on last Sept, so this mothers day
will be a quiet one for me. The one thing I did that made her very happy, was on my birthday I would call here and wish her a happy mother's day......That gave her two big days a year :}

Below is something to put a a smile on your face.

WHY GOD MADE MOMSAll answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions :
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.
What kind of little girl was your mom?

1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd GET rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.Happy Mother's day

At 3 AM a Phone call!!!

2008-04-01T09:17:00.000-04:00

Who do you want taling your call at 3 AM

This is a Photoshoped photo, but a good one
for April fools day
:}

How do you see sexy things

2008-03-30T12:05:00.000-04:00

Shit, guess what i saw, and it wasn't trees.

Need a break from the election.......

2008-03-29T08:02:00.000-04:00

I guess someone thought to put a new prospective on
the fighting liberals.
I got all of them, but the 3rd from the right?
Would of been cute to see the big M in the dance

The Birds and the Bees

2008-03-27T16:19:00.000-04:00

A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.'I don't want to know,' the child said, bursting into tears. 'Promise me you won't tell me.'Confused, the father asked what was wrong.The boy sobbed, 'When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech.At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech.When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for.'

Stop all those irritating calls ..... easy and practical

2008-03-12T13:31:00.000-04:00

1. After the telemarketer finishes speaking, ask him/her to marry you.2. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment, and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back.3. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.4. Tell them it is breakfast/lunch/dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.5. Tell them that all business goes through your agent, and hand the phone to your five year old child.6. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up...louder...louder...louder!7. Tell them to speak very slowly because you want to write every word down.8. If they start out with, "How are you today?", say "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems............"9. Cry out in surprise, "Hey buddy, is that you? I've been hoping you'd call! How is the family?" When they insist they are not your buddy, tell them to stop joking.10. Tell the A1 call center guy to call on your office number. - and give him the A2 call center number.

Pay to Play

2008-03-12T07:56:00.000-04:00

A picture is worth a thoudsnd words.
Gov. Eliot Spitzer and wife

I would say the pay was not worth the play. IMO his ego matched that of a god but found out how mortal he was.....His wife is and kids will suffer the most, and he will continue to polish his ego.

Eliot Spitzer can go to the streets now, and my best wishes are for Silda and her kids.
Spitizer i have no forgiveness for you in doing what you did to you wife and daughters....

Five Signs That Tell Your Relationship is Over

2008-03-11T11:20:00.000-04:00

How do you know when your relationship is over? Can you tell the signs of a bad relationships?

You have tried, cried, begged, and went to therapy as a couple, but still nothing changed. You get irritated easily just by the sight of the person. You secret wished that your other half disappeared somewhere. Sinful thoughts, yes, but when you are miserable, your mind can sum up many furtive ideas.

Here are five signs that your relationship is over.

You just can't stand the sight of him/her
The sound of his car pulling up on the driveway makes your heart drop. You feel heavy in your thought, and you secretly hope that he/she doesn't open the door and comes in.
Abusive in all forms
When you are told to “be happy where your husband/wife is happy”, then it is abused, or “this is my house, you don't bring in the money”. That is a form of mental and emotional abuses.
Disrespectful and Distrust
If you look at the person with disgust, and it is just irritating you when he/she talks. You hear the provoking tone of questions such as “are you sure about that?” or “is that so?” These are doubts, and a sign of distrust.
No willingness to work on the big issues
You just cannot see the future with your partner in any circumstances. You and your partner seem reluctant to work on the big issues. You can't find a middle ground. You can't find any compromises on either part.
You can't recall any good memories
You can't remember any good times, or good things about your partner. Resentments had build up over the years that your mind is flooded with bad memories. You repeat the same bad cycles when you are around each other. You realize that you are not the best person you want to be.

This is five best possible signs that tell the relationship is over. No matter how much you try or willing to go on, you will find yourself exhausted and depressed. Then one day, the moment comes, when nothing else mater, and you will just throw in the towel. You will dare the world to stop you. You care for no one's advice or opinion.

My moment came when I found myself at the bottom of the well, but that still didn't stop me. I have no job, I have no savings, I have three kids, and I have no home. Fear was no longer a factor. I was ready to shake off the dust that covered my life. I needed to shed my skin to be reborn again. Now, when someone asks “how do you know when”, I give my five reasons above and said: “you just know!”

Questions never answered?

2008-03-11T09:53:00.000-04:00

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder...... Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum." Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?

They're both dogs! If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on……. Yes, it caught me too!Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

If at first you don't fail.........................

2008-03-06T16:24:00.000-05:00

These are dreams i have

And I wank up thinking of sex ????

Universal truths: You will agree

2008-03-03T11:24:00.000-05:00

Universal truths

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the
first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood
specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

My IM

2008-03-01T12:27:00.000-05:00

Call Me Free

2008-02-28T05:40:00.000-05:00

Hey, give me a call [Its Free] press the button and your phone will ring [i think] and you will be asked to leave a messageplease try itFrank

Please vote for a friend of mine

2008-02-25T11:59:00.000-05:00

PLEASE VOTE HERE >>>> http://tinyurl.com/2km76e

HERE SHE IS.....

Man's Rules

2008-02-24T06:56:00.000-05:00

Man rules

Please note... these are all numbered "1? ON PURPOSE!----------------------

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Skin Color.......and the enviroment .....

2008-02-22T09:40:00.000-05:00

Geographic distribution of environmental factors influencing human skin coloration: ...The UVR [ultraviolet radiation] data recorded by satellite were combined with environmental variables and data on human skin reflectance in a geographic information system (GIS). These were then analyzed visually and statistically through exploratory data analysis, correlation analysis, principal components analysis, least-squares regression analysis, and nonlinear techniques. The main finding of this study was that the evolution of skin reflectance could be almost fully modeled as a linear effect of UVR in the autumn alone. This linear model needs only minor modification, by the introduction of terms for the maximum amount of UVR, and for summer precipitation and winter precipitation, to account for almost all the variation in skin reflectance.....The map above was generated from the regression analysis. Apparently it has been updated as of 2007 (received the link from a friend). It does look much better than it did in the original paper (which I have read and have a PDF copy of). Do note that the selection of peoples whose reflectance values were plugged into the model obviously matters. But I still think it's interesting the sort of predictions this map produces and how it fits with our intuitions of what the distributions should be, and the knowledge of what they are. Note the equivalent latitudes in Europe and North America, or Australia.

The Ketchup effect.......Need a chuckle :}

2008-02-20T06:15:00.000-05:00

The Ketchup Effect - Watch more free videos

V Day------Leap year

2008-02-14T08:19:00.000-05:00

Would love to see Feb 14 the change of date for Leap Year.
That would alow me 4 years to find a V day gift for thoses who call it their day.....

Who Designed the Human Body?

2008-02-09T11:05:00.000-05:00

Who Designed the Human Body?

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''

All around us, and a smile everyday

2008-02-08T05:27:00.000-05:00

1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's.

2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content..

3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.

4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"

5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.

6. A sign In a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."

7. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal"?

10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If life deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.

13. I love being married. It's so great to find that special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.

15. I am a nobody; nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.

16. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

17. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my plan to attain world peace, and he told me I have "Schiffer Brains."

18. No one ever says, "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.

19. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

20. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

21. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

22. Marriage changes passion... suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

23. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

24. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

25. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been

A great Talking Clock

2008-01-04T07:38:00.000-05:00

A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night.

He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

'What's with the big brass gong?' one of the guests asked.

'It's not a gong. It's a talking clock,' the drunk slurred in response.

'A talking clock? Seriously?' asked his astonished friend.

'Yup,' replied the drunk.

'How's it work?' the friend asked, squinting at it.

'Watch,' the drunk replied. He stumbled across the room, picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back.

The three stood in silence, looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, 'You asshole..it's three-fifteen in the morning!!'

Check out my Guestbook!

2007-12-31T13:07:00.001-05:00

Have a $$$$$$$$ New Year

2007-12-30T07:06:00.000-05:00

Have A Happy New Year......
But.....

Very Interesting Stuff

2007-12-28T09:41:00.000-05:00

INTERESTING STUFF

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'

-------------------------------------------

Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

-------------------------------------------

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

-------------------------------------------

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S . Treasury.

-------------------------------------------

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

-------------------------------------------

Coca-Cola was originally green.

-------------------------------------------

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

-------------------------------------------

The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:
Alaska
-------------------------------------------

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)

-------------------------------------------

The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour:
61,000
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
------------------------------------------------------------------------
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
------------------------------------------------------------------------
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?

A. Their birthplace
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?

A. Obsession
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'?

A. One thousand
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?

A. All were invented by women.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?

A. Honey
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?

A. Father's Day
------------------------------------------------------------

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... 'goodnight, sleep tight.'

------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.'

It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

------------------------------------------------------------------------
-

Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

------------------------------------------------------------------------
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 200 7 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.
~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~
NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

SLOW DANCE

2007-12-28T09:13:00.000-05:00

This poem was written by a terminally ill young girl in a New York Hospital.

Slow Dance
This is a poem written by a teenager with cancer.
She wants to see how many people get her poem.
It is quite the poem.

This poem was written by a terminally ill young girl in a New York Hospital.
It! was sent by a medical doctor -

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids

On a merry-go-round?

Or listened to the rain

Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

Do you run through each day

On the fly?

When you ask How are you?

Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done !

Do you lie in your bed

With the next hundred chores

Running through your head?

You'd better slow down

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

Ever told your child,

We'll do it tomorrow?

And in your haste,

Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,

Let a good friendship die

Cause you never had time

To call and say,"Hi"

You'd better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere

You miss half the fun of getting there

When you worry and hurry through your day,

It is like an unopened gift....

Thrown away.

Life is not a race.

Do take it slower

Hear the music

Before the song is over.

--------------------

Dear All: !
This young girl has 6 months left to live, and as her dying wish, she wanted to send a letter telling everyone to live their life to the fullest, since she never will.
She'll never make it to prom, graduate from high school, or get married and have a family of her own.
By you sending this to as many people as possible, you can give her and her family a little hope, because with every name that this is sent to, The American Cancer Society will donate 3 cents per name to her treatment and recovery plan. One guy sent this to 500 people! So I know that we can at least send it to 5 or 6. It's not even your money, just your time!
PLEASE PASS ON AS A LAST REQUEST.
!

Dr. Dennis Shields, Professor
Department of Developmental and Molecular Biology
1300 Morris Park Avenue
Bronx, New York 10461

10461

Marrage ? Which way to go????????????????????

2007-12-24T08:27:00.000-05:00

Before Marriage...

She: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
He: Do you want me to leave?
She: HELL NO! Don't even think about it.
He: Do you love me?
She: Of course! Over and over!
He: Have you ever cheated on me?
She: HELL NO! Why are you even asking?
He: Will you kiss me?
She: Every chance I get!
He: Will you cheat on me?
She: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
He: Can I trust you?
She: Yes.
He: Darling!

After marriage... simply read from bottom to top.

Italian Christmas at my Home........................

2007-12-24T05:43:00.000-05:00

Christmas Eve at my parents

I thought it would be a nice idea to bring a date to my parents' house on Christmas Eve. I thought it would be interesting for a non-Italian girl to see how an Italian family spends the holidays.

I thought my mother and my date would hit it off like partridges and pear trees.....I was wrong! I had only known Karen for three weeks when I extended the invitation. 'I know these family things can be a little weird,' I told her, 'but my folks are great, and we always have a lot of fun on Christmas Eve.'

'Sounds fine to me,' Karen said.

I told my mother I'd be bringing Karen with me. 'She's a very nice girl and she's really looking forward to meeting all of you.'

'Sounds fine to me,' my mother said.

And that was that.

Two telephone calls. Two sounds-fine-to-me. What more could I want? I should point out, I suppose, that in Italian households, Christmas Eve is the social event of the season -- an Italian woman's reason for living. She cleans. She cooks. She bakes. She orchestrates every minute of the entire evening. Christmas Eve is what Italian women live for. I should also point out, I suppose, that when it comes to the kind of women that make Italian men go nuts, Karen is it. She doesn't clean. She doesn't cook. She doesn't bake. And she has the largest breasts I
have ever seen on a human being! I brought her anyway.

7 p.m. - We arrive.

Karen and I walk in and putter around for half an hour waiting for the other guests to show up.
During that half hour, my mother grills Karen like cheeseburger on the barbecue determines that Karen does not clean, cook, or bake.

My father is equally observant. He pulls me into the living room and notes, 'She has the largest breasts I have ever seen on a human being!'

7:30 p.m. - Others arrive.

Zio Giovanni walks in with my Zia Maria, assorted kids, assorted gifts. We sit around the dining room table for antipasto, a symmetrically composed platter of lettuce, roasted peppers, black olives, anchovies and cheese....no meat of course. When I offer to make Karen's plate she says, 'No Thank you.' She points to the anchovies with a look of disgust.... 'You don't like anchovies?' I ask. 'I don't like fish, Karen announces to one and all as 67 other varieties of seafood are baking, broiling and simmering in the next room.

My mother makes the sign of the cross.

Things are getting uncomfortable. Zia Maria asks Karen what her family eats on Christmas Eve.

Karen says, 'Knockwurst.'

My father, who is still staring in a daze, at Karen's chest, temporarily snaps out of it to murmur, 'Knockers?'

My mother kicks him so hard he gets a blood clot.

None of this is turning out the way I'd hoped.

8:00 p.m. - Second course.

The spaghetti and crab sauce is on the way to the table. Karen declines the crab sauce and says she'll make her own with butter and ketchup. My mother asks me to join her in the kitchen. I take my 'Merry Christmas' napkin from my lap, place it on the 'Merry Christmas' tablecloth and walk into the kitchen.

'I don't want to start any trouble,' my mother says calmly, clutching a bottle of ketchup in her hands. 'But if she pours this on my pasta, I'm going to throw acid in her face.'

'Come on,' I tell her. 'It's Christmas. Let her eat what she wants.'

My mother considers the situation, then nods.

As I turn to walk back into the dining room, she grabs my shoulder.

'Tell me the truth,' she says, 'are you serious with this tramp?'

'She's not a tramp,' I reply. 'And I've only known her for three weeks.'

'Well, it's your life,' she tells me, 'but if you marry her, she'll poison you.'

8:30 p.m. - More fish.

My stomach is knotted like one of those macramé plant hangers that are always three times larger than the plants they hold. All the women get up to clear away the spaghetti dishes, except for Karen, who, instead, lights a cigarette.

'Why don't you give them a little hand?' I politely suggest. Karen makes a face and walks into the kitchen carrying three forks.

'Dear, you don't have to do that,' my mother tells her, smiling painfully.

'Oh, okay,' Karen says, putting the forks on the sink. As she reenters the dining room, a wine glass flies over her head, and smashes against the wall. From the kitchen, my mother says, 'Whoops.'

More fish comes out. After some goading, Karen tries a piece of scungilli, which she describes as 'slimy, like worms.' My mother winces, bites her hand and pounds her chest like one of those old women you always see in the sixth row of a funeral home.

Zia Maria does the same. Karen, believing that this is something that all Italian women do on Christmas Eve, bites her hand and pounds her chest. My Zio Giovanni doesn't know what to make of it. My father's dentures fall out and chew a six-inch gash in the tablecloth.

10:00 pm. - Coffee, dessert.

Espresso all around . A little anisette. A curl of lemon peel. When Karen asks for milk, my mother finally slaps her in the face with a cannoli. I guess it had to happen sooner or later.
Karen, believing that this is something that all Italian women do on Christmas Eve, picks up a cannoli and slaps my mother with it.

'This is fun,' Karen says.

Time passes and believe it or not, everyone is laughing and smiling and filled with good cheer - even my mother, who grabs me by the shoulder, laughs and says, 'Get this bitch out of my house.'

Sounds fine to me.

THE END

---- If you aren't in stitches by now, you don't know Italians!!

To All of You

2007-12-23T12:21:00.000-05:00

And A

Buy a Dog.......

2007-12-15T06:24:00.000-05:00

If you want someone who will eat whatever

you put in front of him and never says its
not quite as good as his mother made it.

Then buy a dog.

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want .

Then buy a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about
football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies

Then buy a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm
your feet and whom you can push off if he snores ....

Then buy a dog.

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do,
doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old,
who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to
and loves you unconditionally, perpetually.

then buy a dog.

But, on the other hand,
if you want someone who will never come when you call,
ignores you totally when you come home,
leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you,

runs around all night, only comes home to eat and sleep,
and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness

Then buy a cat!

Now be honest, you thought I was going to say....
then marry a man.
For all my cat loving friends

Lotus Touts: A time to be nice...........

2007-12-06T06:12:00.000-05:00

Lotus Touts:

There's some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you're not
superstitious. This Lotus Touts has been sent to you for good luck
from the Anthony Robbins organization. It has been sent around the
world ten times so far.

Do not keep this message.

The Lotus Touts must leave your hands in 6 MINUTES. Otherwise you will
get a very unpleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not
superstitious, agnostic, or otherwise faith impaired.

ONE.
Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO.
Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their
conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE.
Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR.
When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.

FIVE.
When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.

SIX.
Be engaged at least six months before you get married. < /B>

SEVEN.
Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT.
Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dre ams
don't have much.

NINE.
Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the
only way to live life completely.

TEN..
In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling..

ELEVEN.
Don't judge people by their relatives .

TWELVE.
Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN! ..
When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer
r, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'

FOURTEEN.
Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN.
Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze

SIXTEEN.
When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN.
Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for
others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN.
Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps
to correct it.

TWENTY.
Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY- ONE.
Spend some time alone.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

Cyber Sex 2

2007-12-02T12:01:00.000-05:00

Worth a try ?

Advice: Better in real life

Warning.......I E users

2006-09-07T18:22:00.000-04:00

WARNING TO ALL INTERNET IE USERS

Any website can see what you have on your clipboard That is if you're using Windows + IE which lots of people do. Copy something onto your clipboard and then follow the link & scroll to the bottom. Never copy and paste a password again- no, Check out what the web site can get from your puter when you visit their page; click hereProject IP

GAURD YOUR CLIP BOARD

If you are using Firefox you are safe!
Just one more reason to switch to Fire Fox.
SU FORUM HEREWarning

A Smile

2006-08-17T17:10:00.000-04:00

Now this is Sexy....

A good looking women, just taking a stroll.
All the confidance in the world.
But its the smile that gets ya, Showing her firm lips with her smile in a everyday walk
is hard to do.

Her nonshalant
bounce with her carefree mood
seems to say;
I am here,
I am me.

My smile is for you.

Free To Return

2006-08-12T22:57:00.000-04:00

Thank God for f stops, but iI never liked the higher f stops because
I liked puting the subect in focus. This photo uses them in a great
way at least for me. I am having a hard time taking my eye of the beauty of
the trainer. I would say the photographer has cought the attention
of the bird watchers and the trainers watchers!

Just love this shot.
High f stop/ large telo lens, worked well here.

2006-08-11T15:04:00.000-04:00

There are never any words that can explain some feelings.

Maybe a Photo Can Try.
Just Maybe ! Thar

Puter Tips+

2006-08-10T20:35:00.000-04:00

So an EAZY WAY TO INCREASE FONT SIZE.

This is for everyone whose eyesight isn't what it used to be. I just found out about this, and thought I would pass the information on.[my sight is getting bad] It's very useful when trying to read small web page print .
If you hold down the Ctrl key and turn the small wheel in the middle of your mouse, the print size will change - it will either get larger or smaller - depending on which way you turn the wheel. TRY IT RIGHT NOW
or Ctrl + + (plus sign) = bigger fonts

Ctrl + - (minus sign) = smaller fonts
Ctrl+0 (zero) to get back to normal
is it lack of sex or to many beers

Religion ????

2006-07-31T14:46:00.000-04:00

And after all these years, it appears nothing has changed. Well so much for education or for religion.
One would think by now, there must be something wrong with the way we perceive things.

Religion? Or lack of it.
Evolution ? Or lack of it.
Maybe its that man evolved and religion did not, or vise versa. But what it is I wish someone comes up with some answers, man has run out of ideas.
The need for a divine intervention is way overdue.
Man's primal genes are in direct opposition to his
beliefs as modern man.
What did not work in the past will not work now.
As soon as man can figure that out, we
will have a start.
For now, we seem to be caught in the same circle
just going round and round.
"In the name of God" does not compute, in any language
or religion.
Some thing is wrong dead wrong, and someone needs to
step out of the circle to figure it out.
fgviva

Great 800 Number

2006-07-29T13:12:00.000-04:00

This is one great service, and its a FREE 800 number. 1800 555 TELL or 1800 555 8355.
In the age of talking to puters when making a call to a company, now you can get the info you want. You can get Directions, Weather, Stock Quotes, Movies in our area, and a LOT more..
I guess i am sounding like a spammed, but I hope not, because I have used this service for at least 5 years now.
Give it a try, just think lost and not knowing were to go, just call 1 800 555 TELL try it now....A good thing to have on your cell phone. also their web site is WWW.tellme.com Let me know what you think.

The Bitty Browser

2006-07-29T10:45:00.000-04:00

I have not put much time into this tool, but it looks like something for a bloger could use, let me know. fg

&amp;amp;lt;a href="http://www.bitty.com/"&amp;amp;gt;Bitty Browser&amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;gt; (iframes required)

Creation

2006-07-18T20:59:00.000-04:00

Disclaimer: The following does not represent the religious views(or lack of)by me.

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things," God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?" "Ah," said God "That's Washington State, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, plains, and coulees. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats, and carriers of peace." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance." God smiled, "There is another Washington...Wait until you see the idiots I put there.

A Chemistry Question; True Humor1

2006-07-15T18:47:00.000-04:00

CHEMISTRY QUESTION

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term.
The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the &Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

A Study in Contrast

2006-07-10T21:16:00.000-04:00

A Study In Contrasts

You don't half to go to far to see one big contrast. Ann Coulter and
Mike Moore sure do make the a true dang (right/left) odd couple.
Ann can surely be classified as a symbol for the classy bitch.
Were as Moore fits the bill as one of those in your face assholes.
Its beside me why so much attention is given them, but maybe
it allows us to see the extremes of our nation.

The only thing I can respond to (IMO) is that Ann has more
gray matter between the ears and Mike has more gray matter
between the hips.

I would hope that anyone siding with one of the odd balls is
not offended by my remarks, but if you are, take it out
with someone from the other side. The fight is there.
I will just watch as i have done with Ann and Mike and
add two more assholes to my list.
fgviva

Best Ever "Come Back Line

2006-07-10T16:22:00.000-04:00

Best Ever "Come Back Line"

It was in the Washington Post... the title of the article was "Best Comeback Line Ever."

In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday.

Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."

"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor.
"I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin."

Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence.

"I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realise that you are screwing a pumpkin?'

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there and then looked me straight in the face and said,
↓↓↓

"A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?"

Evolution of breast

2006-07-03T15:20:00.000-04:00

Evolution of the primate breast was a later development in the sexual
development of primates.

The early attraction in primates was to the buttocks which produced a rear mounting engagement. Over time the pre-human
breast developed, switching the attraction from the buttocks to the breast leading to the front mount position.
Now sexual development has gone to what we all know and do.
Today some of those "primal attractions" are still present. Many males are attracted to the "buns"(primal) while many
other males are attracted to the breast (modern). Maybe one could say that some males still harbor those
old primal sex behaviors genes.
Well with all that said, this is my "buns blog". Taking note that the image on the right ("spider bumps") could very
well pass for "buns" or "boobs". Its your call. The one in the center IMO are a primal as you can get and what I would
call the "a great set of buns", not knowing what we can't see (who cares) they would produce the the greatest sexual
attraction in a "primal male".
Take it for what it is worth, most of this is part of the evolutionary theory of sexual
behavior in human development.fgviva

My Photo Blogs

2006-06-29T18:06:00.000-04:00

These are 5 of older Photo Blogs I have done. By clicking on the blog books below,will take you to these blogs at tag wourld.
All 5 tell a story but the two i enjoyed doing were the Horse ans Eye Blogs, but all
five are worth the time.
fg

Who are you?

2006-06-28T13:45:00.000-04:00

Pen & Bits

2006-06-13T19:59:00.000-04:00

I have chosen the title "Pen & Bits" as a Blog title to go back to the days when the pen was the power to relay a thought or message.
In today's standards too many rely on the "copy and paste" method to convey a thought or message that another has written. Oh the woes of leading to a few thoughts generated and mass produced.

The PEN has had many strong quotes that were all aligned with what it imaged. Two come to mind , first " the power of the pen is greater then the sword", I guess its meaning would be; fight the war on paper then to pick up the sword and fight the battle. Second; " poison pen " destroy a person's character and dignity instead of adding arsenic to his coffee.

My intent is not to win any battles or destroy one's dignity with the sword or pen, but to allow one to stimulate the thought processes used in making our own decisions.. fg

Pen, Bits & Photos.................by FG-Viva

Medical Warning

Riddle

OooooSarah

Drill Here NOW...............

A Rare Old Photo Of Barack And Hillary

Its happened to all of us, but this i s funny, and funnier

A Woman.............

A Mother's Day Smile

At 3 AM a Phone call!!!

How do you see sexy things

Need a break from the election.......

The Birds and the Bees

Stop all those irritating calls ..... easy and practical

Pay to Play

Five Signs That Tell Your Relationship is Over

How do you know when your relationship is over? Can you tell the signs of a bad relationships?

You just can't stand the sight of him/her

Abusive in all forms

Disrespectful and Distrust

No willingness to work on the big issues

You can't recall any good memories

Questions never answered?

If at first you don't fail.........................

Universal truths: You will agree

My IM

Call Me Free

Please vote for a friend of mine

Man's Rules

Skin Color.......and the enviroment .....

The Ketchup effect.......Need a chuckle :}

V Day------Leap year

Who Designed the Human Body?

All around us, and a smile everyday

A great Talking Clock

Check out my Guestbook!

Have a $$$$$$$$ New Year

Very Interesting Stuff

SLOW DANCE

Marrage ? Which way to go????????????????????

Italian Christmas at my Home........................

To All of You

Buy a Dog.......

Lotus Touts: A time to be nice...........

Cyber Sex 2

Warning.......I E users

A Smile

Free To Return

Puter Tips+

Religion ????

Great 800 Number

The Bitty Browser

Creation

A Chemistry Question; True Humor1

A Study in Contrast

Best Ever "Come Back Line

Evolution of breast

My Photo Blogs

Who are you?

Pen & Bits